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Of Course I Bribed Chinese Officials

作者:Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

What’s the big freakin’ deal?

Have you ever tried doing anything in China?

It’s impossible if you don’t bribe.

If you don’t bribe, you don’t get in the country. (You suddenly have issues with your visa?)

If you don’t bribe, you get a hotel room with a disgusting hole in the floor instead of a western toilet.

If you don’t bribe, your car breaks down in the middle of some god forsaken scrub land in the hills outside of Beijing. Then you have to sit on the side of the road while your driver laughs at you and then proceeds to sacrifice a chicken and cooks the legs for lunch using his cigarette lighter.

If you don’t bribe, you don’t do business in China.

But it really doesn’t take much. It’s not nearly as expensive as the bribes I had to pay to American officials and union bosses.

You would be amazed how much work you can get done in China just by dangling a carton of Camel Turkish Gold cigarettes in front of someone.

Funny story – I was in China a couple of years ago visiting my girlfriend on the set of our movie“Tae Kwon Doug”. When I got to the set, no one was doing anything. The Chinese crew was playing some bizarre game with colored tiles and drinking some white lightning dragon fire pure alcohol.
讲个笑话 – 两年前,我去中国,到我的电影《跆拳道》片场看我女朋友。我到了片场,没人干活。中国剧组在玩一种离奇的彩色小瓷砖,喝白色闪电龙火纯酒精。

I started to ask the American actors what the f**k was going on and I was told the bribe we paid in order to start shooting was in local RMB currency and not in American dollars. Local RMB is like toilet paper to the Chinese. American dollars are preferred.

I immediately fired the American producer, pulled out a few $1 bills from my pocket, spread them around – and suddenly, everyone was ready to work.
我当场开了美国制片,从口袋里掏出几张一美元的票子发给大家 – 顿时,每个人都要开始干活了。

As a bonus, I threw in a carton of Camel Turkish Gold and a bottle of American whiskey. We finished shooting the entire movie in three days. It was supposed to be a six week shoot.

That’s what I call results.

So… memo to the Department of Justice… if you want​ me to cooperate with your little investigation into our business practices in China, it’s going to cost you a few dollars, a few cigarettes and a whole lot of booze.

作者:Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company


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[标题:你丫真的在中国做过生意?多大点鸡巴事儿啊? ]


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